The Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List Part 5: The Cream of the Crop

I guess there's some cream here. Shhh

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for, the best of the best! As usual, all consoles will be evaluated by 1 point for each good game, 5 points for each excellent game, and 10 points for each perfect/iconic game. Here's a reminder of the ground we've covered thus far:

Introduction

Trash Tier:

Atari 2600

Sega Master System

Sega Saturn  Sega Dreamcast
PSP
Xbox
Wii

I'm Pretty Sure I Should Own This?:
Wii U
Game Boy Color
PS3
Switch
Sega Genesis

The Console Middle Class:
Android
Gamecube
DS
Xbox 360
PS4
3DS
Game Boy
PS1

The High Fliers:
PS2
N64
Arcade
PC

And now for the cream of the crop!

NES (93 points):

Good games:
Castlevania
Dragon Warrior 2
Duck Hunt
Balloon Fight
Bases Loaded
Blades of Steel
Final Fantasy
Gradius
Star Soldier
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Metroid
Paperboy
Tecmo Bowl
Ninja Gaiden
Mega Man 5
Mega Man 6
Mega Man 4
The Little Mermaid

Excellent games:
Mega Man 2
DuckTales
Mega Man
Punch-Out!!
Dragon Warrior
The Legend of Zelda
Super Mario Bros. 2
Mega Man 3
Kirby's Adventure
Dr. Mario
Tecmo Super Bowl

Perfect/Iconic games:
Super Mario Bros.
Super Mario Bros. 3 

There are no surprises from here on out, guys. These are my all time favorite, and I always knew they'd be the top three. They're also all Nintendo consoles, and are the three finest they ever released. Anyway, the NES is boss. Eighteen good games, 11 excellent games, and 2 perfect games. There are plenty of candidates from the excellent games to slot up to perfect, by the way. It's my first console, I love it, and you should, too.

GBA (93 points):

Good games:
Mario Tennis: Power Tour
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Castlevania: Harmony of DIssonance
Mega Man and Bass
Mega Man Zero 4
Dragonball Z Collectible Card Game
The Lord of the Rings: The Third Age

Excellent games:
Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow
Advance Wars
Mario Golf: Advance Tour
Mega Man Zero
Mega Man Zero 2
Mega Man Zero 3
Advance Wars 2: Days of Ruin
Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga
Golden Sun
Golden Sun: The Lost Age
Wario Land 4

Perfect/iconic games:
Pokemon Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald
Fire Emblem
Final Fantasy Tactics Advance

This is about as close of a tossup as I can imagine. I went with the GBA over the NES by a nose because I'd rather have one more perfect/iconic game than ten good games, which is exactly the difference between the two consoles. I also feel like I know the broader NES library a bit better than the GBA, so there are more chances of finding some diamonds out there. These two consoles are absolutely incredible, and a Gameboy Advance SP would be the very first handheld I'd replace if I lost everything.

SNES (127 points):

Good games:
Donkey Kong Country 3
Mega Man X2
Tales of Phantasia
Mega Man 7
Dragonball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan
Dragonball Z: Hyper Dimension
Bahamut Lagoon
Zombies Ate My Neighbors
Aero Fighters
Lufia II: Rise of the Sinistrals
Breath of Fire
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time

Excellent games:
Earthbound
Mega Man X
Donkey Kong Country
Donkey Kong Country 2
Star Fox
Super Metroid
F-Zero
Super Mario Kart
Super Punch-Out!!
Super Mario RPG
NBA Jam

Perfect/iconic games:
Final Fantasy IV
Final Fantasy V
Final Fantasy VI
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
Chrono Trigger
Super Mario World

There was never the slightest doubt here, and the SNES absolutely laps its competition. It beats out the nearest competitors by over 30 points, due largely to an unbelievable library of perfect games. I REALLY know this library, though, so I don't see it gaining too much in the next few years. I need to get some more exposure to the shooters here, but to be honest, the strength of the SNES is in its RPGs, and I know those backwards and forwards, even the imports. The SNES will always be my favorite console, unless some future console comes out that really blows my mind. All hail!

-TRO 

The Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List Part 4: The High Fliers

We're finally getting to the good stuff! Today we'll cover the penultimate iteration of this list, featuring consoles who scored between 50 and 79 points. As before, good games on a console will receive 1 point, excellent games will receive 5 points, and perfect/iconic games will receive 10 points. See below for past entrants in this series:

Introduction:

Trash Tier:
Atari 2600
Sega Master System
Sega Saturn
Sega Dreamcast
PSP
Xbox
Wii

I'm Pretty Sure I Should Own This?:
Wii U
Game Boy Color
PS3
Switch
Sega Genesis

The Console Middle Class:
Android
Gamecube
DS
Xbox 360
PS4
3DS
Game Boy
PS1

On to the high fliers!

PS2 (51 points):

Good games:
Guilty Gear Isuka
SSX Tricky
Dragonball Z Budokai 3
X-Men Legends
Final Fantasy X-2
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 4
Grandia 3
NBA Street
NBA Street: Volume 2
Dynasty Warriors 4
Tekken Tag Tournament
X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse
Final Fantasy XII
Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance
The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Excellent games:
God of War
Guitar Hero II
Grant Turismo 3
Grand Theft Auto III
Final Fantasy X

Perfect/Iconic games:
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3

From here on out, I've done tier lists for the vast majority of these, so I'll just link them in the title of the console without a note. The PS2 one is here.

What a great little console! With the added feature of the DVD player and reverse compatibility with PS1 games, this is one of the handful of consoles I'd replace first if all of my stuff was destroyed in a fire. It has a really strong batch of good games that net it 15 points, which is more than the entire library of the Atari 2600, Saturn, Dreamcast, Master System, PSP, Xbox, and Wii. Then you tack on a delightful set of excellent and perfect games, along with the fact that I feel like there's a lot more for me to experience here, and you have a solid high flier.

N64 (71 points):

Good games:
Banjo-Kazooie
Beetle Adventure Racing
Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
Star Wars Episode 1: Racer
Bomberman Hero
WCW/NWO Revenge
NFL Blitz
San Francisco Rush: 2049
Wayne Gretzky 3D Hockey '98
Paper Mario
Mario Tennis

Excellent games:
Goldeneye 007
Diddy Kong Racing
Mario Golf
Donkey Kong 64
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Super Smash Bros.
Mario Party
Perfect Dark

Perfect/Iconic games:
Super Mario 64
Mario Kart 64

I was pretty stunned this one wound up as high as it did. Nintendo and Rare really killed development for this console, even though almost no one else made anything good for the system. It also helps that I've played through a huge amount of my 64 games, so there's not a ton of growth potential here.

Arcade (73 points):

Good games:
Gunbird 2
Windjammers
Donkey Kong Jr.

Excellent games:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
X-Men
Tekken
Tekken 2
Tekken 3
Marvel v. Capcom
Marvel v. Capcom 2
Donkey Kong

Perfect/iconic games:
Pac-Man
Street Fighter II
Street Fighter III: 3rd Strike

This is kind of a weird one, since I've spent more time with a lot of these games on console than on arcade machines. But they all feel like arcade games to me, and were, for the most part, either released on console later than their arcade run, or I have some significant arcade experience with them. Arcade games rule!

PC (79 points):

Good games:
Commander Keen: The Earth Explodes
Commander Keen: Keen Must Die!!!
Commander Keen: Secret of the Oracle
Commander Keen: Marooned on Mars
Command & Conquer: Tiberian Sun
Age of Empires II
X-Wing
Counterstrike
Serious Sam

Excellent games:
Sim City
Command & Conquer
Command & Conquer: Red Alert
Half-Life
Command & Conquer: Red Alert 2

Perfect/Iconic games:
Doom
Wolfenstein 3D
Warcraft III/The Frozen Throne
League of Legends
Half-Life II

I've spent more time playing games on a PC than on anything else. A lot of this, however, was spent emulating console games, so that doesn't quite count. I need a lot of education on classic PC games, as most of my time was spent playing whatever my friends owned, and that was a lot of FPS and RTS games, not that there's anything wrong with that. But it ranks high enough to get very high on my tier list, and I think it could go substantially higher, especially looking at my largely untapped Steam and GOG libraries.

And that's it for the end of the high fliers tier list! Check out the next installment for the absolute best of the best next time.

-TRO

The Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List Part 3: The Console Middle Class

Welcome to the console middle class, with their two children and lovely three bedroom home in the suburbs. That's right, nothing to see here, but nothing to complain about, either!

To review, before beginning our newest tier:

Introduction

Trash Tier:
Atari 2600
Sega Master System
Sega Saturn
Sega Dreamcast
PSP
Xbox
Wii

I'm Pretty Sure I Should Own This? Tier:
Wii U
Game Boy Color
PS3
Switch
Sega Genesis

As always, a game gets 1 point for being good, 5 points for being excellent, and 10 points for being perfect/iconic. I am allowed to depart from the points in the case that a score is less than 5 points different from the next console either way, and I really want to for subjective reasons. This tier features consoles between 30 and 49 points.

Android (30 points):

Excellent games:
Candy Crush Saga
Candy Crush Soda Saga
Terra Battle
Final Fantasy Record Keeper
Pokemon Go
Hearthstone

These are all of the games I have burned a ton of time into my phone and haven't regretted it. Sorry, Fire Emblem Heroes and World Series of Poker. I'd probably swap the Genesis and this, but the rules are unflinching that less than 30 points lands you in the previous tier, so my hands are tied by my own ridiculous rules.

Gamecube (34 points):

Good games:
Donkey Konga
The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures
Pikmin
Super Mario Sunshine

Excellent games:
Animal Crossing
Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour
Mario Kart: Double Dash
Mario Party games

Perfect/Iconic games:
Super Smash Bros. Melee

This console rated a bit higher than I would have thought before doing the rankings, but math is math. I wouldn't have placed this above the Genesis, probably, but here were are. When I look at the titles, it's kind of hard to argue with, too.

Nintendo DS (36 points):

Good games:
Final Fantasy Tactics Advance A2: Grimoire of the Rift
Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
New Super Mario Bros.
Children of Mana
Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's World Championship 2011: Over the Nexus
Pokemon Diamond/Pearl/Platinum

Excellent Games:
Advance Wars DS
The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
Mario Kart DS
Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time
Pokemon Black/White/Black 2/White 2

The first console for which I have a top ten list! That means there must be at least ten good, excellent, or perfect games for the first time here. I'd call this console "wide but shallow", meaning that I've got a pretty good knowledge of the library, and that there's nothing really spectacular for the console. A lot of good and excellent titles though!

Xbox 360 (36 points):

Good games:
Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 2
Army of Two
Dynasty Warriors 8
Lego Batman
Lego Batman 2
Guitar Hero: World Tour

Excellent games:
Grand Theft Auto 5
Mass Effect
Mass Effect 2
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Halo 3
Lego Marvel Super Heroes

I was, frankly, gobsmacked to see the Xbox 360 so high up this list. But the truth is that it could be higher if not for NBA 2K and Madden switching over to the PS4 this generation! I spent a lot of happy hours with this console with my brother-in-law, building Madden dynasties and mowing down bad guys with a wide variety of firearms. I can actually make a legit top ten list for this console, and not have to reach in the slightest.

PS4 (34 points):


Good games:
Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4
Lego Harry Potter: Years 5-7
Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn
Street Fighter V
Minecraft

Excellent games:
Madden
MLB: The Show
NBA 2K
Diablo III
Marvel's Spider-Man
Red Dead Redemption 2

For all that I play my PS4 (a ton), I feel like this list should be larger. I guess I'll just have to keep exploring! I bumped it above the DS and XBox 360 because of how often I play it, and because of how little I've really explored the library.

Nintendo 3DS (36 points):

Good games:
Shantae and the Pirate's Curse
Pokemon Sun
Ultimate NES Remix
Fire Emblem Fates: Birthright
Mario Golf: World Tour
New Super Mario Bros. 2

Excellent games:
The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds
Fire Emblem Awakening
Super Mario 3D Land
Pokemon X/Y

Perfect/Iconic games:
Shovel Knight

I was stunned when this little gem came in tied with the DS in points. I feel like I play it a ton, but was really surprised how few games I could actually put on here. It's definitely better than the DS, though, especially given extensive Virtual Console support.

Game Boy (39 points):

Good games:
Super Mario Land
The Final Fantasy Legend
Yoshi's Cookie
Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3
Pokemon Trading Card Game

Excellent games:
Tetris
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Kirby's Dream Land 2
Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal

Perfect/Iconic games:
Pokemon Red/Blue/Yellow

This is another one with a full top ten list, yet I feel like I have a ton more to explore on this little guy. He definitely has some growth potential. It has an absolutely killer library of top tier favorites, though. I'd put its top 6 up there with just about any console in this tier or the next.

PS1 (45 points):

Good games:
Crash Bandicoot
Crash Bandicoot 2
The Legend of Dragoon
Battle Arena Toshinden
Road Rash 3D
Twisted Metal
Twisted Metal 2
Final Fantasy VIII
Final Fantasy IX
Chrono Cross
Suikoden

Excellent games:
Crash Bandicoot 3
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
Xenogears
Final Fantasy Tactics
Tony Hawk's Pro Skater

Perfect/Iconic games:
Final Fantasy VII

What a great little console! I really love all of these games here, and think that some of them, if I played them a bit more, may even bump up to the excellent tier. There's a huge selection of PS1 games on my list to acquire too, so look for growth in this one in the years to come. I did a full top ten list for this console, in case you're interested.

Catch up with my tomorrow to get into the consoles that I truly count among my favorite. Only seven more to go, so I think you can narrow down most of the ones that are going to be on there. And if you don't already know which console will be number one, you are definitely not my faithful reader.

-TRO

The Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List Part 2: I'm Pretty Sure I Should Own This?

I know I said I'd do this tomorrow, but I'm just having so much fun with this!

This is my personal console tier list, with good games getting one point a piece, excellent games getting 5 points a piece, and perfect/iconic games getting 10 points a piece. I'm allowed to move the list around a bit if the difference between two consoles is less than 5. If you're interested in reading more about my "methodology" or past justifications, you can read more here and here. Here's the basic list so far, in relative order of how I rank them from lowest to highest. Point rankings are from 15 to 29.

Trash Tier:
Atari 2600
Sega Master System
Sega Saturn
Sega Dreamcast
PSP
Xbox
Wii

Poor Sega!

Anyway, on to the "I'm Pretty sure I Should Own This?" tier! This will go from the consoles I most question if I should own, up to those I lean towards owning, but am still not certain.

Wii U (16 points):

Good games:
Super Smash Bros. for Wii U

Excellent games:
Super Mario Maker
Mario Kart 8
New Super Mario Bros. U

What in the world is this console? I really like it, but it's probably more appropriate in the trash tier, especially now that the definitive edition of almost every game from the console is now on the Switch.

Game Boy Color (15 points):

Excellent games:  
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons
Wario Land 3

For the record, I counted most of the dual mode games on the Game Boy, or else this console would have ranked a bit higher with Pokemon Gold/Silver/Crystal and Pokemon Trading Card Game. That's why I bumped this up a spot.

 
PS3 (21 points):

Good games:
Mega Man 9
Mega Man 10
Tekken Tag Tournament 2
Skylanders: Swap Force
Gran Turusmo 5
NCAA Football '13

Excellent games:
The Last of Us
Street Fighter IV
Mass Effect 3 

Now we're getting closer to consoles I'm confident I should own. I really like my PS3, and am very confident I've barely scratched its surface in terms of the library. It's also the last home of my beloved NCAA Football franchise, bizarrely.

Switch (21 points)


Good games:
Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Perfect/Iconic games:
Super Mario Odyssey
The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Put away the pitchforks, Nintendo fanboys. I'm one of you! I'm just poor, and poor people don't buy new games, or they remain poor forever. In 12 years, I'll have finally finished up a nice Switch library, and be able to report more fully on its greatness.

 

Sega Genesis (29 points)

Good games:
Vectorman
Comix Zone
Disney's Aladdin
Road Rash II

Excellent games:
Sonic 3 & Knuckles (yes, this is one game, losers)
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Sonic the Hedgehog
Gunstar Herous
Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine

Despite owning a Genesis as a kid, I feel like I have an underwhelming knowledge of the console. I'll probably end up getting a Genesis mini just so I don't have to buy Contra: Hard Corps and Castlevania: Bloodlines, so maybe I'll discover some more good titles in that.

And that's it for today! I'll be back tomorrow with another tier or two, and we'll be solidly into territory that makes me feel comfortable owning these consoles.

-TRO

The Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List Part 1: Trash Tier

Oh no! Is your favorite console in the dreaded trash tier??? Have no fear, this is purely subjective! I'm only one man with a strictly limited amount of time, and the fact that I was able to conjure up 285 video games about which I have reasonably informed opinions is a minor miracle in and of itself. I have my own biases due to personal tastes and my place in history, and that definitely shows up here. These consoles are mostly average to good consoles, mind you, I just haven't had enough time to touch their libraries in the slightest. To qualify here, you had to score between 1 and 14 points. In order of most-least trashy.

Reminder-good games get 1 point, excellent games get 5 points, and perfect/iconic games get 10 points.

 Atari 2600 (0 points):

The trashiest of the trash tier. I can't come up with a single game I enjoy for this console, and my library that I own for this beautiful piece of trash is simply a copy of Pac-Man, a dreadful port of an incredible game. See "Arcade".

 

Sega Master System (1 points):

Good Games:
Phantasy Star

This is the only Master System game I've ever played, and I played a port due to the fact that I don't have a console, so I'm breaking my rules a bit here.

Saturn (1 point):

Good Games:
Nights into Dreams

Nights into Dreams is fun! Umm...

 
Dreamcast (0 points):

I actually play my Dreamcast a bit, but it's mostly to play the immaculate port of Marvel v. Capcom 2, which doesn't count under my rules. I really need to get into this console more. I'm bumping it above Master System and Saturn because I play it more.

PSP (6 points):

Good games:
Hot Shots Golf Open Tee 2

Excellent games:
Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

I actually really like my PSP, but I use it a lot to play PS1 classics on, and there really are only two original PSP games that I would classify as good or excellent. I also don't have the best collection. I think this one could climb higher, given more time to explore the library.

 
Xbox (11 points):

Good games:
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (I might upgrade this if I get a chance to play it more, but I'm comfortable here for now)

Excellent games:
Halo
Halo 2 

It hurts to put this one above the PSP, but I really did have tons of fun playing Halo and Halo 2 with my friends at parties. I'll just have to deal with my rigidly inflexible rules.

Wii (14 points):

Good games:
Wii Play
Tiger Woods Golf
Mario Kart Wii
Donkey Kong Country Returns

Excellent games:
Xenoblade Chronicles
Wii Sports

I like the Wii! The Wii is also trash, with a few bright spots here and there. I still need to run more Super Mario Galaxy, but I'm confident it would get slotted in here somewhere.

That's it for the trash tier! Check back in tomorrow for the next tier, and again, I apologize if your favorite was relegated to my trash.

-TRO

Past Entries in this series:

Introduction

The Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List!

And now, the article none of you have been waiting for, but that I've been working on fairly hard for several hours, the Subjective Scientific reTROview Console Tier List *faint applause*!

As I was working through ideas for my next top ten list, I started to list out my top ten games for each console I own. I found that it was pretty remarkable that for a lot of consoles I own, I couldn't actually list ten games that I would classify as pretty good (8.5 or higher) on my patented ten point reTROview scale. So I started to think about my relative taste for various consoles and their libraries, and naturally thought that measuring them all on a scale would be a good place to start in a definitive, scientific, and highly subjective console tier list. So I compiled a humble list of 285 games that I feel are at least "good" (8.0 or higher), and ranked them all as either good, excellent (9.0 or higher), or perfect/iconic (10). I then assigned each game a score of 1 if it was good, 5 if it was excellent, and 10 if it was perfect/iconic. I then summed the games for each console, and derived a definitive ranking of my console preferences to share with my faithful reader. If systems were less than 5 points of each other (less than one excellent game's difference, in other words), I felt confident boosting one over the other due to subjective measures such as my love of the controller, historical importance of the console, aesthetic beauty of the console itself, or whatever else I wanted.

My basic rules for the games I listed was that it had to be a game I would still play today. So while I adored MVP NCAA Baseball '06 on the PS2, it doesn't appear here due to the fact that I would never play it today, given the presence of MLB: The Show. I'm not saying no one would play it, but this is my tier list, after all. I also tried to include each game on the platform on which it first appeared, unless it's on a modern console and appeared on a billion consoles during its life span (while still being updated), meaning I could put it on whichever console I associate it with. So, while I associate Street Fighter III: Third Strike with the PS3, it's solidly an arcade game. But, while Diablo III was originally released on the PC, I associate it with the PS4, where it has received substantial updates. In murky situations, like with Street Fighter II, I simply placed it where it felt right (arcade). The consoles ranked also had to be consoles I own, which means I feel like I have some reason to have them. So if Intellivision, Colecovision, Atari 5200, Fairchild Model F, Virtual Boy, or your own pet weirdo console doesn't appear here, it's probably because I'm not interested in owning it, or haven't found the right deal yet.

Up next, I'll begin listing out my systems a few at a time in general tiers, along with the games I think are worth buying for the system. Stay tuned!

-TRO

What I'm Playing (Volume 118): Super Star Wars

Super Star Wars is a (primarily) run and gun action game for the Super Nintendo. I had a friend who had this one as a kid, and when combined with how much I loved Star Wars, this one has some pretty serious nostalgic attachment for me. It's really, really, brutally difficult, though, so I've never beaten it until Memorial Day weekend, when I finally just sat down, devoted two hours to chewing through it, and pushed past the points that had given me trouble in the past.

Super Star Wars follows the essential plot of the first Star Wars movie, although it adds in several levels to tack some action on, a necessity for making a video game adaptation of a movie that has surprisingly few action sequences. You mean you don't remember Luke shooting his way through hordes of Stormtroopers into and out of, the Mos Eisley Cantina? Me either.

The game also has several genres in it, and utilizes Mode 7 to accomplish this. There are two dull levels which have you piloting a sand speeder on your way to or from somewhere. These levels are at least colorful and a bit thrilling at first, but it soon becomes clear that you just shoot in a straight line to win, which cuts some of the excitement out. There's also a final level in which you pilot an X-Wing that takes the basic sand speeder approach and puts you in an impossibly grotesque grey palatte that immediately offends. You then are put in a rail shooter in the trench of the death star that's slightly more fun and less hideous.

The game controls similar to Contra, but the controls are pretty slippery and unsure. The jumping mechanics are pretty messy, with an optional higher jump that you can trigger by holding up, but this doesn't always trigger exactly the way you want it. It feels like a less severe version of the spinning jump from Super Metroid, which is even more difficult to trigger on command.

The game's visuals are fine, I guess. There are noticeable Star Wars characters and properties, and they look like the visions brought to the screen, mostly. There are some pretty impressively huge bosses that have some nice sprite detailing to them as well.

The music is the clear high point of the game, but they get a low amount of points for this. It's just the John Williams songs from the movies expressed in 16-bit chiptune. Low degree of difficulty, but it's still fantastic music nicely arranged. 

The difficulty of this game is completely ludicrous, and not in a "Nintendo hard" way. Nintendo hard at least pretends that there is a pattern that you can learn and avoid, given enough iteration. This game makes it literally impossible to dodge hardly anything due to the high speed of the projectiles, your clunky maneuverability, and your large sprite size. The game fortunately (?) compensates by having nearly every enemy you kill drop loads of items to refill your health bar, delightfully portrayed as an ever lengthening lightsaber. I'm not a fan of counterbalancing bad design choices with more bad design choices, but at least the health drops make this one playable.

Due to the generous health drops, your only real danger will come at the bosses, which are really dangerous. Since you can't dodge anything, your only real strategy is to jump straight up and down while holding the fire button, and hope that you accidentally dodge enough shots to win on some of the tougher boss battles. And if you die, you'll start right before the boss with no powerups, so you'd better beat these bad boys the first time.

This game is a total mess. I enjoyed portions of it and found it a relatively empty-headed way to spend an afternoon, but really can't recommend it to anyone other than nostalgic thrill-seekers such as myself, or diehard Star Wars fans wanting to experience every bizarre nook and cranny of the extended Star Wars media universe. Star Wars has some of the very best film-game adaptations of any franchise, but this one just doesn't cut it. Go play Contra for the genre, or X-Wing or Rogue Squadron for some Star Wars shooting action instead-you'll thank me. I'll give it a 5.0/10.

Up next on what I'm playing is one of three games I'm working on as TVs become available and children aren't around. I'll tease the one I think will be completed next...

-TRO